Frustrated in Faith?
I was up off and on last night. I had to pray the worry off. I had to pray the evil thoughts off. I prayed. I cried. I doubted. I prayed some more. I sung songs. I tried to be hard and not cry again, which made me cry even harder. I tried to do some deep breathing exercises and my breaths were like staccato notes, short, detached and jumpy. I prayed and asked God for peace and I got it. That’s when I dozed off to sleep finally this morning. But to be all the way transparent, this was definitely not a picture-perfect night of prayer.
Weary thoughts were winning as the enemy tried to come for me. What you’re hearing right now on this 2nd day of January is the voice of victory though. I didn’t even make it (nor did I even want to) go the prayer closet this morning (or in the wee hours of the morning). God was fighting my battles for me right where I was. It was a lesson and a reminder for me that He is always with me.
I repented during this time for even entertaining for a second, the thoughts from the enemy. But mostly, I thanked God for allowing me to recognize how the enemy was using those thought to get me upset. He wanted me to get mad about the lies he was trying to feed me. He knew that if I got mad, I wouldn’t be effective for God. If I got mad, the first thing I would do is go silent and not speak the Word of God. I would not be the encourager who God called me to be. I wouldn’t be the intercessor who God called me to be. I peeped the play of the enemy, thanks to God revealing it to me. My mind was starting to go down a familiar path called assumptions. In the past, assuming things always led to confusion and chaos. That was the enemy’s play. And now that I think about it, he just ran a similar play a few weeks ago. I told yall the other day that the enemy was not gonna come off the gas in the very area that you thought was a done deal. But I wasn’t gonna play, I was gonna pray. I was gonna praise my way through…and I did!
If I was recording a video of me doing this blog/podcast, you would see me looking like I had been in a wrestling match all night and it’s because I have. But don’t forget, I got the victory! I also got the lesson. I believe God allowed me to GROW through this (not just GO, but GROW) to show me WHO HE REALLY IS! He showed me that:
I must always depend on Him.
He is always with me.
I am STRONGER as a result of last night (this morning).
He is the ONLY ONE who can truly be all I need, want, and desire. No human can fill God’s place. Can’t nobody do me like Jesus. Can’t nobody love me like the Lord can. Can’t nobody hold me like Jesus. He has been and always will be with me.
I am never alone.
I could stop right here, but I got to share this with you. I opened my Bible for some additional conversation with God this morning and I landed in John 11. This is the story about Lazarus. I am going to encourage you to read it if you don’t know it, but I want to talk about it as if you do.
Last night I felt like Lazarus sister Martha. See Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha were good friends with Jesus. And when Lazarus got sick, they sent for Jesus and he didn’t arrive until 4 days after Lazarus had died. So you can imagine how Martha felt. She was frustrated in faith!
“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “I wish you had been here! Then my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you anything you ask for.” John 11:21-22 NIRV
Have you ever felt frustrated in faith? Like Martha, you know what our Lord can do, your hope is still there, but you low-key annoyed (frustrated) that things didn’t go the way you thought or aren’t going the way you thought they would go. Martha had faith and doubt at the same time. We can see that in verses 21-22. While Martha was frustrated, she said in verses 22, but I know that even NOW God will you anything you ask for. That’s what she said to Jesus after expressing her frustration with Him about her brother dying because He wasn’t there.
I was a bit frustrated last night, and the enemy pounced on it and tried to make me doubt what God already told me. Dr. Tony Evans says, we are to take our doubts to God in prayer. He already knows about them anyway. We are to believe that He can deal with our frustrations and disappointments, and help us in our spiritual struggle. That was the one of the lessons I had to learn last night. I had to stop trying to act like I still had the peace I prayed for because I didn’t. I had to learn to just be real with God.
In this same chapter of John, I found myself not only in Martha, but also in Thomas. In verse 16, Thomas was ready to die with Jesus in chapter 11, but would later express doubt over Jesus’s resurrection in chapter 20! Again, Dr. Evans gave me the insight I needed here too. He said, those who are spiritually confident today may find themselves in depths of uncertainty tomorrow.
THAT WAS ME!!!!
I was full of faith yesterday and ready for all that the new year had to bring, then here I was frustrated on the same exact day and dealing with doubt! But then I was praying about it too. It was like I was on a roller coaster ride, but God was letting me take the ride so that I can could recognize that He was sitting right next to me the whole time.
Bottomline: Our God can be trusted and when we experience Him for WHO HE REALLY IS, we will never see life the same again. I experienced Him as the “I GOT YOU, GOD” early this morning. I experienced Him as the “I AM WITH YOU, GOD” this morning.
As I was finishing up my journaling this morning, the Holy Spirit said this: TRUST ME, not them. TRUST MY Word, not theirs. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.
SALVATION PRAYER
If you don’t know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior and you’re not a believer, but you have a desire to be, all you have to do is openly confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead (Romans 10:9). When you pray that prayer, you are saved. Get connected with a good, bible-based church in your community, stay connected to other believers, and start having daily conversations through prayer with God every single day. Welcome to your new life with Jesus Christ!!!
ASSIGNMENTS
What did Holy Spirit say to you in your conversation with Him this morning?
Will you take your frustrations to God?
Record yourself reading the word of God on video or audio and watch how God will use your own voice to give you revelation and build your faith (keeping this assignment on here for a while).
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